What's age got to do with it?

Take deep breath. Now take another. Fingers touch keyboard. Shut world out. Be here now. Another deep breathe. Begin to blog. Let it flow.

I just described my last few seconds in a three-word sentence format. I read about that style of writing today. My style is more random. Sometimes my mind goes on and on and rambling nonsense fills me. I have so many choices to write about. I love and appreciate my mind and usually find my own company pleasant. Streams of consciousness’ have always been so important to me both personally and professionally. Be aware. Notice what you are feeling. That is some important stuff. Just talk nonstop for two minutes. You will get to it eventually if you trust the self and the process.

Now I am ready to share.

These past few days were filled with a mixed bag of surprises. I was reminded that I could be more accountable to myself and for myself. True.

I have been going to the gym for nearly four months now. A lot can happen in four months. I have been on a weight program. I feel much more balanced, my coordination has improved, I feel physically strong but overall much more alive all over. I have been 100% aware of everything I have put in my mouth these past few months. It is time.

I see now how I have avoided exercise because I feared more pain in my back. Guess what? I am pain free. I am not saying I don’t have a few aches and pains…actually, my feet cause me some pain and I am stiff in the morning when I wake up, but as I was told for the first time a couple of weeks ago, “Sheesh, you’re close to sixty.”

I hear an echo in my minds-ear. "CLOSE TO SIXTY."

I think I was in shock for a few minutes when my dear trainer said that to me. I thought, ‘Holy hell, I know that.’ Yeah, sure I knew it intellectually but there was no way I had ever really embraced it. I really don’t care much about age. I mean we all age and we can’t really stop it, so to hear “close to sixty” somehow felt like it had a negative connotation when we are helpless to change it.

My initial reaction was to laugh. I know that I laughed and joked. Under that laugh was the truth, I was not being very realistic about my expectations of my weight. I must have momentarily forgotten that I had given birth to two sons more than 30 years ago, spent the last 25 years adding a few pounds each year and avoided most situations that required too much physical exercise. Privately I feared I was turning into a sloth. When Tess got hurt, life changed for both of us. I am turning that around.

A therapist told me once that I hide behind my smile. Both my trainer now and that therapist then was right. I do tend to laugh when I feel sad or angry. Besides, I know I have a wickedly quick sense of humor and every now and again, I can dodge a painful bullet with a well-timed series of rapid-fire retorts or wisecracks. I know how to avoid my own discomfort.

You would think in my almost 60 years I would know better than to hide. To everything there is a time and season.

On Tuesday my BFF and I had our annual day at Disneyland. We have been doing this for about five years now. The first time we went to Disneyland together we were sixteen years old. We sang in the Christmas program as juniors and seniors in high school. Need I remind you that was more than forty years ago? We managed one year to miss the bus back to school because the Matterhorn broke down. It was a memorable event. Our parents were put out with us as they had to drive to Disneyland and pick us up at midnight.

This year we had just as much fun as we did back then. We rode the rides that make you forget how old you really are. Actually after we rode BFF's favorite one:

one of us said, “Let’s do it again.” A woman sitting at the exit of The Tower of Terror overheard the comment and said, “You sound like a couple of teenagers.” God Bless her. Meanwhile, BFF and I knew that the other was up for another go around.

After dropping 13 stories we decided to do the Screaming Roller Coaster which is my personal fav…


We can’t get enough of it. Of course, we ride it multiple times. Can you blame us? Wouldn’t you? I think the thing that we most appreciate about those types of rides is that we have absolutely no control over anything. Once a year, we ride with total abandon. Multiple rides. Multiple times. Screaming, laughing and acting our true age.

We were not done with Disneyland yet. BFF and I always dine at Club 33. Yes. It is a real restaurant at Disneyland and it is private. Read about it. It is special. Too bad Walt never saw it finished. I only know a handful of people that have eaten there. It's over the top and it's yummy. My weight management program was put on hold for that meal. I stuffed myself. It was a buffet dinner so there was a little of this and a little of that. It is wondrous and elegant, not like the hot dogs we ate at sixteen, more than forty years ago.

Since I have already burned off the additional calories, I consumed that night I will share a bit of the evening offering. I personally had: 2 lobster tails, crab claws, shrimp, Thai beef salad, fresh kiwi, strawberries, pineapple and various melons, huge yellow and red tomato slices with thick cream cheese slices, lox, asparagus salad, Caesar salad, NY steak, 2 lamb chops with horseradish and mint jelly, fresh yellow beans and baby carrots, garlic mashed potatoes, Mickey Mouse pasta with Alfredo sauce. I was stuffed. Who wouldn't be? I had a cup of coffee and raspberry mousse, passion fruit cake, macaroons, cheese cake, rolled chocolate straws, and glazed pecans. I avoided the chocolate fountain only because I would have been sick. Anyway it is a once a year splurge that is without a doubt a 5 star experience. I am grateful I don't have to pay for any of it.

Definetly a special time. BFF really knows how to spoil my inner child.

Maybe after I am sixty I won't have such a voracious appetite and I doubt my inner child will ever age. I wonder, what does age really have to do with anything?